After my divorce I found myself stuck in a story of struggle and overwhelm that I couldn’t get myself out of.
I kept myself in a cycle of guilt and sadness and shame. I was living in self-pity. I was trying to get my coaching practice re-started and create a new life and I couldn’t put one foot in front of the other without falling.
I created a life of struggle for myself because I thought I needed to be punished. OUCH! I hurt a lot of people in breaking up my 30 year marriage, including myself. It was so painful that I turned to guilt and sadness and got stuck in my victim story. I couldn’t move forward in any area of my life. While I was very familiar with my shadow I was afraid of my light! Being stuck in struggle was also a place to hide. A place to hide my light. While I knew I had something valuable to offer others I didn’t feel capable, qualified or able. I wanted to be “perfect”, I wanted to know I would succeed, I wanted to know that others would think I had it together and boy did I not have it together. I was a hot mess.
How did I free myself?
I learned to feel my emotions. ALL of them.
Once I was able to see that guilt was a cover up for rage I could then move into the remorse which led me to forgiveness for myself and for my ex husband. Sadness is a feeling I am very comfortable with. It’s been a companion for as long as I can remember and while I was genuinely sad I also used that feeling to cover up the anger and self-hatred I felt. Feeling self-hatred isn’t fun but once I recognized it, and truly felt it, it freed my energy to move into loving myself and life again.
Are you comfortable with joy? With thrill? With love? Most of us are not. We shove these parts of ourselves into the shadow as well. I created a rule for myself when I was very young that I was not allowed to be happy. While I have experienced happiness in my life I have not let myself live in an overall feeling of being happy. We all make up rules that make perfect sense to our young child minds but as adults keep us stuck in behaviors that don’t serve us anymore.
When I discovered this rule I had created I felt the sadness, anger, hopelessness of having lived this way for nearly 60 years. I connected to that child within that had to create that rule in order to survive and I forgave her. I loved my way through it. Today I choose to be happy. It’s our birthright and a choice we can all make.
Emotions are energy. They are normal. We all have them.
Most of us have been taught not to feel our more constricting emotions. “Put a smile on your face”. “Stop crying”. It’s not ok to be angry”. These are the phrases we hear from our parents and teachers from a young age and so we learn to shove our authentic feelings down. In my case I shoved them so far down that I ended up with them literally eating away at the deepest part of my digestive system. Some people internalize it as anxiety or depression. In fact it has been proven that all dis-ease begins in the energy field and I believe that denied emotions are at the root of this.
Emotional fluency is learning to feel and express ALL emotions. When we know emotions are just energy and no emotion is better or worse than another we welcome each and every one. They all have something to teach us. If we deny them we miss out on the growth available.
When we stop resisting what is we can surrender into it and allow it to free us.
Today I feel more hope, more joy, more love and possibilities in my life. I feel these emotions because I surrender to the worry, anger, loneliness, hurt and fear to be acknowledged when they show up. They are guiding beacons on this magnificent journey of life.
Emotional mastery is the key to our healing and to creating the life we long to live. Most of us have a limited range of emotions that are comfortable to us. Developing access to a full range of emotions unlocks the energies that keep us stuck in the struggle, overwhelm, and discomfort of life.
Emotions are a powerful guidance system. Unlocking the emotions we have denied frees up our energy and creates healing in our bodies and in our lives.
What feelings do you resist?
How have you kept yourself stuck?
How have you freed yourself?